clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
