i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
