Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
