Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
