all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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