Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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