Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
