your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
