Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
