You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
