Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize