i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
