I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
