i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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