he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the raccoons are back...
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