I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
