So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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