Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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