May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
