tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if only i could text you this smell
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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