Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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