He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
