i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
