I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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