Ambien. No doubt about it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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