he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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