Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dick very happy bro
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
