yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
