Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
