my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
