I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
