How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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