As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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