im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
