After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
