I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
