come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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