I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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