I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
