I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
