Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
