I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
