Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
