Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
