I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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