Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
