I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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