I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize