Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
