My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
