You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize