I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
