So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
