New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
