my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
