My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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