There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
