If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
