So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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