just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
