We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
