I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize