haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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