so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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